It goes without saying that chronic illness can take a lot from us. It can take away our friends and family, our work and our social lives, our financial independence… it can take a great deal. But sometimes – on those rare good days – I can see that chronic illness hasn’t just taken from me, it has given to me also. It’s been hard to get on paper what I’ve gained because those good days are so rare, and it’s so hard to see the positives when things are bad, but here goes….

I’ve gained a network of brave, empathetic, amazing people

As corny as it sounds, it’s true. The network of chronic illness sufferers that exists online is jam-packed full of people making the best of situations, who push back against their illnesses, find humour in the darkest places, and who are so open to helping others even as helping themselves is already such a huge task. I’ve been given so much good advice by this network of people I’ll likely never meet. I’ve known what medical specialists to ask to be referred to, and that has meant received diagnoses quicker. The knowledge that they get what I’m going through is invaluable, and without them I’d feel isolated and overwhelmed by what I’m going through.

I know myself more intimately then I thought was possible

It’s true that you only value something when it goes wrong, and no more so than when it’s your body that breaks. Over the years since I’ve got ill I’ve learned to recognise what my body needs, what I should avoid and my body’s warning signals. I’ve come to understand its processes and its mechanics and I marvel at its complexity. I’ve learned how brave I can be, how stubborn (in a good way) I can be, and how honest I can be. Instead of blithely going through life focused on what’s going on around me, I’ve been forced to take the opportunity to look inwards. Every day is centered around what is going to nourish me, whether that’s my mind, body or soul. I can’t afford to waste time on activities, things or people that are going to have a negative impact on my life, and that means that I’ve focused on experiences, friendships and relationships and possessions that are truly valuable to me.

I’ve taken up opportunities I’d never have had before I got ill

It was only because I was forced to give up work that I followed my (now) husband when he moved to Kenya with work when our relationship was in its infancy. If I hadn’t joined him, our relationship may not have survived. Had our relationship not survived I may not have travelled as extensively and for as long as I/we have and I wouldn’t be a homeowner or had the opportunity to renovate a house into a home. Before I got ill I wouldn’t have had the time or confidence to teach myself a new skills set and build a business off the back of those new skills. And I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to start Chronically Awesome!

I’ve had – and continue to have – time to get to know my family

Before I got ill, and even when I just had the one diagnosis, I lived away from home, away from my family. Since getting more ill I’ve been home more, and last year we (my husband and I) made the decision to move back to my home county. In the interim while that ball gets rolling I’m living with my parents and I’m regularly seeing my niece and nephew. This has offered me the opportunity to get to know my parents and my sister as adults, to become friends as much as family. My niece and nephew know me and we enjoy spending time together. In some way the vulnerability that comes from being so ill brings us closer together and for that I’m profoundly grateful.

I have a new perspective on life

I was never one to have a set life plan (i.e. having met milestones in life like marriage and children by a certain age) but before I got really ill, I did know where my life was going. School, university, job, my route was clear. But suddenly I got blown off course and my idea of what my life would look like moving forward into the future was shattered. But actually that’s been a good thing. I’ve been open to new opportunities that have come my way. I trust my instinct about what’s right for me more than I did in the past. With life looking different to how I expected it to, as well as looking different to the lives of my peers, I compare myself to others much less than I did in the past. Instead, I measure success on my own terms.  I accept that I cannot control everything as much. I appreciate what I have in life and have a new understanding of what’s important to me: time, relationships, focusing on my wellbeing, being around people and experiences that bring me happiness, the list goes on. For these things I’m happier and probably more rounded as a person too.

It’s impossible to say if these things I’ve gained make up for being ill. There are too many hypotheticals involved in the question, and things are too different in nature to be comparable. But I can appreciate that chronic illness has been a positive presence in my life in many ways – in spite of all the negatives. For that I try to be at least a little grateful every day.